


Soul Mates

by Valentia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Episode: s10e18 Book of the Damned, Fluff, M/M, Mark of Cain, Season/Series 10, soul mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 04:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3964033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valentia/pseuds/Valentia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Cas gets his grace back, he decides that it's time to tell Dean what he found out while he wasn't at his full power.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soul Mates

**Author's Note:**

> So this is actually the first story I wrote completely in English, so I hope there aren't too many mistakes. Feel free to tell me if there are. :)  
> This takes place right after the not-so-happy end of S10E18: Book of the Damned, so spoilers ahead!  
> This is also completely fluff and half of it was written at 1am, because my brain decides that that's the best time to write Destiel.  
> However, I hope you enjoy the little story! Leave kudos or a comment if you want. :)

It had actually been a while since Dean and Castiel had been alone for the last time. Not just alone as Sam was a few meters away, but alone as there wasn't anyone to disturb them for a while, leaving them with nothing but themselves and the familiar silence that no one of them ever questioned, because it had always been just sort of there.

When Charlie wanted to leave the bunker late in the evening to head to her motel, Sam had decided to go with her just to make sure she was okay, even though that was ridiculous, because Dean had never met a woman who could defend herself as well as Charlie could. But Sam had insisted, and then they had left, and now there were only Dean and Cas left, standing in the middle of the Winchester's kind-of-living room in the bunker, the lack of distraction making it easy for the Mark of Cain on Dean's arm to get into his consciousness.

“So you have your mojo back, huh?” Dean finally started a conversation.

Cas nodded. “Yes.”

“Feels better now?”

“I don't know,” he answered, refusing to look into Dean's eyes.

Dean could hear the sound of the Impala hitting the road as he said, “Seriously, man, I know you feel better now. No human crap anymore, not even a bit. No fading, no pain, no worries, just the usual angel life.”

Dean began to notice his exaggerated exhilaration; Cas just shook his head.

“It's not that simple, Dean. I'm an angel again, and that means I have a responsibility again.”

Dean huffed. “When have you ever been one of these kinds of angels, Cas? I don't think a responsible angel would have been able to do things like you did. Especially when you were human. That reaper bitch you fucked?”

Cas squinted his eyes and Dean knew that he sounded snippy and was wronging Cas, but there was something burning inside him that made him want to start a fight with Cas, maybe because fights against other people were the only things Dean was still able to win.

“Dean, are you saying you think I am irresponsible?”

“Maybe,” he answered, standing Cas' gaze that was now focused on him.

“Why would you say that?” Cas sounded a little bit hurt, but the mark didn't let Dean feel bad for that.

“Because you wasted time, Cas,” he went on instead, and he could feel that familiar scratching inside of him, the mark trying to take control, trying to make him jump on Cas, shout at him, hurt him. “All this time we needed you. But you weren't there. And why? Because you've been human, thanks to your irresponsibility.”

“I'm sorry for that, Dean, I've told you many times. I'm sorry.” Cas' voice started to become louder and he was keeping his head up, stretching himself, but Dean was still taller and he had to look up to him. “And I don't regret being human, despite what you think.”

“And why is that?”

Dean's right hand twitched once and he clenched his fist.

Contrary to what he had expected, Cas relaxed. He sighed, locking Dean's gaze with his blue eyes. “When I was human, I actually learned a few things.”

“Oh yeah, really?” Dean said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. He sounded angry and stressed out now. “What did you learn, huh? That having sex with a random blonde bitch is what you've always wanted?”

“No, Dean,” Cas answered calmly, trying to sound as composed as he could, and something in his voice made Dean calm down, too. 

Then something in his attitude changed, and Cas lifted his chin, solidly standing in front of Dean, proud in a way that was either because he was about to fight with Dean or because he had to encourage himself for something. Whatever it was, he began to look like a soldier again. His voice was steady as he started, but already began to tremble after a few words.

“I've learned something I have, in fact, already known for years, but never really given much thought, because I was an angel and this was certainly not something angels deal with. But things have changed, and what I've finally and fully understood now is that fate may be a little bitch, but bringing our souls together is not something we should blame her for.”

Dean had expected a lot of things, but Cas being completely off-topic and talking about fate and souls was definitely not one of them.

Cas remained silent for a second and Dean did not dare to speak; he didn't really get yet what Cas meant and there was something between them he couldn't describe and that didn't let him speak at all; so Cas continued.

“I see now that our souls are meant to be together, Dean, in every way possible, and that love is something God created to help people find their other half, the soul that is meant to be with theirs. When I was human, I experienced that as well. And this love I felt, this profound bond that almost forced me to be with the soul that is meant to be with mine; it led me to you, Dean. It has always been you.”

Cas stopped and stared at Dean. He didn't move and he barely breathed, a wave of horror was running down his spine; the fear of being rejected, a fear that he didn't know for long and would not delineate as pleasant.

Dean kept staring at Cas as well, and it was one of their thousand looks they had shared over the years, but yet it was different. They weren't close, but close enough so that Dean could watch Cas' gaze flickering back and forth between his eyes, desperately trying to find any sign of reaction, but Dean's world was frozen; except for the mark and its rage settling inside of him, but Dean swallowed it down.

Cas' eyes were shining bright blue and his hair was messed up, because he doubtlessly didn't know that humans used combs to tame their hair, and he was wearing a new trench coat with a new tie, because he hadn't been able to keep the old clothes, but still all Dean saw was the angel Castiel, who had saved him so many years ago, who had done so much crap Dean couldn't even get it all together if he wanted to, who had left him and then come back several times; yet who had just ever simply been Castiel, his angel, and for the first time Dean thought he could really see him, and the fury was almost gone.

He swallowed. “Are you trying to tell me that when you were human, you found out that...” Dean stopped, because this was a point of no return and because he wasn't sure if he could handle what he supposed would come next.

“I love you,” Cas said, and Dean didn't know if he just finished his sentence or if that was a real confession.

Cas lowered his head for a few seconds until he looked up again, taking in a huge breath just as humans did and then speaking again.

“This is indeed what I am trying to say,” he said, and while he was saying that he kept staring into Dean's eyes and Dean had never felt something like this before, because there had never been someone like Cas before, because there had never been _his true soul mate Castiel_ saying that before.

“Our souls are meant to be together, Dean. And this is not something we will ever be able to change or ignore until it ceases to exist. I know you don't believe in fate or destiny, but this goes beyond that. This is something God created, something He wanted, because, after all, fate as well as everything else comes down to Him. And I see that now.”

Dean was stunned. And suddenly he felt so little, because Cas was talking about God and what plans He had for him and how He had created bonds between souls, and yet he was only Dean Winchester, who just slowly began to realize that maybe there was more to it all than he had ever imagined.

“So you're saying that you... you _love_ me and that we are meant to be together, like, really, _together together?_ ”

Dean began to feel incredibly stupid as every time he had to talk about feelings; he was no poet and he couldn't talk as smooth as Castiel, he couldn't make his words sound like he was saying something important, something with a deeper meaning. But he forgot about that when Cas came one little step closer.

Castiel had always been able to make Dean feel like he actually was someone - not someone in the way that he was chosen to save the world, but in the way that there was a reason for himself to live - and Dean asked himself if that was part of the bond they shared or if that was just something Cas was capable of.

“Dean, we're not forced to give in to this bond, but yet it is there and will always be there. And yes, if your 'together together' includes being as close as two souls can be, then we are indeed meant to be together together.”

Dean didn't know how to respond to that, because he didn't feel like he already understood the whole thing. Cas kept staring at him, and there was some curiosity in his eyes as well as this mix of fear and embarrassment, and the only thing Dean could come up with in that short period of time was, “Do you want that? I mean- Being together together with me, is that what you want?”

Dean could feel his heart racing and hear his blood rushing through his veins in his ears. He didn't know when it had become so quiet in the bunker - if it had always been like that or if it was just the fact that his whole world was broken down to Castiel; scrutinizing him, watching him squint his eyes, watching his chest rise and fall as if he actually needed to breathe.

“I thought that was obvious,” Cas said finally, tilting his head, and then he seemed to prefer wondering why Dean hadn't figured it out over actually answering his question.

“It's not,” Dean said and he hoped that Cas would just answer his question.

“Dean, I just told you that I love you. Isn't that answer enough?”

It felt like Dean just emerged from underwater right before drowning.

“It's not. Believe me, it's not.”

And then there were dark memories coming back, crawling right into his consciousness, pictures from older days and girls he left behind, but Cas pushed them all away as he said, “I want to be together together with you, Dean. And I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize and say it.”

The first thing that came to Dean's mind in that moment was, “Don't apologize.” He returned Cas' look as he added, a little rougher now, “Don't you dare apologize for this. You can apologize for lying to Sam and me, you can apologize for playing God, you can apologize for not trusting me and therefore screwing everything up; but I don't want to hear you apologize for this.”

Dean knew there was so much more to say, and maybe it wasn't fair to come up with all these things right now, but he was aware of how he was feeling and that there was a non describable rage inside of him that made him say them out loud, even though he didn't know if that was coming from the mark or the fact that they had wasted six years with stares.

“I will not apologize then,” Cas said, and in his voice Dean could hear some of his regret that would never really leave him.

Cas then lowered his head again; and Dean kept staring into his eyes through his dark lashes as he said, “And there has never been a better time for telling me.”

And it was true, because this was something that could, maybe, be stronger than the burning Mark of Cain on his arm, not only because it was there longer, but because Dean felt like there had never been anything else anchored that deep inside of him.

A little smile appeared on Cas' face. “I'm glad you're not mad at me.”

Dean shook his head. “Never.”

And then Cas continued, but his expression had become a little sad and pensive. “Yet I don't understand why God chose me to be with you.” He squinted his eyes. “After all these things you just mentioned.”

It was quiet, even outside the bunker, even though there was a storm raging inside of Dean. He was about to say “I don't care”, but this almost sounded like “I don't care that it's you”, and Dean definitely cared that it was Cas.

“I don't feel like... I don't think I will ever be good enough for you.”

Dean didn't hesitate. “You're perfect,” he said and there was a spark in Cas' eyes that lit up his whole face.

“Thank you, but that's not true. My wings are broken-”

“I don't care. They're perfect,” Dean interrupted and he could hear his voice becoming a little louder.

“And what I-”

“You had the right intentions.”

“But-”

“I don't care, Cas! Just stop it!”

Cas remained silent and Dean became aware of the fact that he may had been a little bit too rough, but he couldn't see Cas like that, he didn't want Cas to feel so small because of him, and the mark on his arm was pulsing and kept poisoning him.

“Everything about you is fine, Cas,” he finally said, softer now but still determining, “and I will continue saying that until you see it yourself. I don't give a crap if there's any damn bond between us or not, because even if there wasn't, I would still want you. Because that's how it is. And I need you to see that.”

Dean could feel how his body was shaking with every pulse - pulses that didn't come from the Mark of Cain but from his heart; a feeling that he had almost forgotten over the past year.

“I don't think I will ever see that, Dean,” Cas answered, his voice trembling.

“I know,” Dean said. “So I won't ever stop saying it.”

Cas smiled again, then waited a few seconds so that Dean had the time to wonder why the world was still the same while his own began to collapse and slowly build up again.

“You just said that you want me.”

That was neither a question, nor really a statement. That was Cas trying to realize that maybe one time since he'd raised Dean from Hell not everything he touched fell apart.

“I guess,” Dean said, his eyes wandering through the room in the bunker, focusing on anything but Castiel, who was still so close to him Dean only needed to reach forward to touch him. 

“I learned what that means when I was human,” Cas added.

Dean was frozen again.

“And I think the appropriate answer to that in my situation is: I want you, too.”

And with that Cas had won everything.

Dean leaned forward and starting kissing Cas. Maybe a little too desperate at first, maybe a little too forceful, but it was still perfect and if Cas noticed anything he just put up with it, and the sensation was strong enough to let Dean forget about the mark for a minute.

And then there were hands tugging at his hair and soft lips gently moving against his own and Cas' familiar and yet strange scent in his nose. And really, all Dean could do was melt into the kiss and feel the shivers running down his spine, tucking his hands in Cas' trench coat, pulling him closer and closer until he couldn't feel the mark anymore or anything else but Cas.


End file.
